School Break May Break Me

Recipe for sending this chick to the madhouse:

• 10 days of the kids being out of school
• 7 days of my husband being off from work
  
• 24 hour blizzard that has shut down our town
• 1 toilet that is shooting water into the air...yes, into the air
  
• 1 baby that is completely off schedule because of all the above!

We are 5 days into our holiday school break, and I am already developing a slight twitch. Love my family, but sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. Not only are my kids home for the week, but my husband is too. Love him, but again...sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Here's the challenge, I crave organization and routine. Having everyone home throws organization and routine out the window. To really spice things up, throw a major blizzard into the mix and you have nothing but pandemonium.

Life this week is messy. Toys are everywhere. OK, that is not unusual in my home, but this week it seems extra annoying. On top of toys, the house is cluttered with all that wonderful holiday decoration stuff. Love that too, but I can't help but think about the task of taking it all down. It is just one more thing on the Mommy List, because you know that is a mommy job. K1 and K2 are snacking their way through the break, so that means food is all over my house. Anyone else have kids that have a complete aversion to sitting and eating...ugghh! My husband is lounging his way through the week, which means he is reading magazines, newspapers and everything else all over the house. Yup, it's a messy week.

The week is loud too. Why is everyone yelling as they play Wii? Can you guys turn down the DS games? Lady K, baby girl, I know your brothers are screaming and running around the house, but you do not have to join them....please don't join them. Big K, do you have to turn every TV on in the house? Oh yes, does every TV that you have on (and are not watching) have to be on the loudest volume?

What I know for sure is that I love my family and all their crazy ways. What I also know for sure, is that school break may break me if I can't work some Lynn quiet time in and get the troops to reign in the messy-mania that is taking over the house. Glad I know what I need, now just need to put it into action.

What is driving you crazy during school break? What do you need to put into place to get some sanity when the family is home for long periods of time?

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It's Not You, It's Me...Really

Today I was a grown-up. I have been waffling about what to do with one of my volunteer roles. I am a board member on the Central Bucks YMCA. I love the Y and all that it stands for; especially the community focus. When my family first moved to Bucks County, the Y was the first place that I felt a sense of belonging. I have been on the board...a great board...for three years. However, my life is just not fitting with board member responsibilities. I have known this for a few months and actually tried to resign two other times. I am a sucker for pleasing people, so when my resignation was challenged...I ended up walking away from my need to leave the board.

Board meetings are weekday evenings around 7pm. Hmmm, what is happening at that time? Well, K2 and K3 are probably running wild while I pray for the end of the day. Committee meetings have been at 7am or 4pm. Yes, prime mommy time. School drop off in the morning and after school pick-up which is followed by homework. Not a good "fit".

I tried to make it work and they tried to make it work. In fact, the leader of the board was over accommodating by providing me with the option of not needing to attend board meetings and other activities. Sounds good but not for me. I am so Type A, that I could not tolerate not doing everything that my role is suppose to do...including attending 7am meetings despite the fact that I have three little kids who can't even make their own cereal. Another thing that I have realized is that I need more brain space. Sounds crazy, I know. What I mean is, I need more free room in my mind and in my thoughts so I can think, make decisions and simply be more calm. I need that space in my brain back, so the Y had to go.

I was a grown-up today. I did what was hard and what I was not comfortable doing. I went with what gut (which I call God in disguise) instead of what was the comfortable thing to do. I was a grown-up today...what about you? What grown-up decisions have you made lately?

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Bedtime Wars

Phyllis Zee, M.D., director of the Sleep Disorders Center at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago claims that adults need seven or eight hours of sleep to be healthy and functioning at their best. For me, I know this to be true. When I do not get my needed rest, I feel terrible and make mistake after mistake on whatever I am trying to accomplish.

Most people want to get more sleep, but the challenge is getting the time to sleep! Take a look at my evening last night to better understand what I mean.



7pm:
Me: "It's time to take your bath and go to bed."
Son #2: "Why?"
Me: "Because I said so. I'm the Mommy, and I'm in charge." (Secretly to myself...I am in charge, right?)
Son #2: "But I'm not tired."
Me: "Well, I am, and Mommy has to talk to on the phone with Ms. Kathleen, so I need you in bed." (Why does he need to know this?)
Son #2 "You get to have all the fun. I never get to have fun." (Kid, you have no idea!)

Bath time happens and we are off to the races for bed...right?

7:45pm
Son#1:"I'm hungry."
Me: "You had snack earlier. Let's read a book and go to bed."
Son#2:"I'm hungry too." (This is a problem, because Son#2 really does need a full belly to sleep)
Me: "Ok, mommy will get everyone a snack, and we will eat while we read our book."

The Troops Are Ecstatic!

8:20pm - 20 minutes past bedtime
Me: "I don't want to have to put you in your bed again...this is the 3rd time."
Son#2: "But mommy, I want to sleep with you. I don't like my bed." (Light bulb moment...my husband knows I have this 8:30pm call. Let me just send Son #2 down to the basement with him where he is lounging and watching TV)
Me: "Well, go down and see daddy in the basement. He wants to talk to you." (Don't judge me, you do it too)
Son#2:"Ok." (He happily skips downstairs)

Time to prep for my evening meeting. Not a desirable meeting time, but it is the typical "office hours" for us busy moms.

8:25pm:
Son#2: "Mommy," he says as he dances into the room, "daddy said I can sleep in your bed."
Me: "Oh" (Clock is ticking....my phone is about to ring...I'm annoyed...and...)
Son #2: "Mommy, your phone is ringing."
Me: "Thanks. Get under the covers and don't say a word. Mommy has an important call."
Son #2: Jumps onto the bed and under the covers and flashes his big "I win" grin.
Me: I pick up the phone to find my counterpart in bed with her children....Hmmmmm!

So, what happened to, "I'm the mommy and I'm in charge!"

Honestly, I think it got lost between the stress of being ready for my evening meeting, my exhausted body, my overtired mind and may patience that left around 7pm that evening. The combination was not a good mix and resulted in me waving my white flag and surrendering.

What does that mean though? Does it mean that I "lost" and he "won". Sometimes it feels that way, but at the end of the day I did what worked for that situation. Granted, it is a situation that I did not like, but that is where we landed. So, what was the "right" thing to do for a busy mom like me? Truth be told, there is no "right" thing to do. In that moment, I needed to have this meeting so we could all go to bed...I wanted to sleep!

We all spend so much time trying to psychoanalyze situations and compare what we are doing to what the books, news or our neighbors say. No more...what is it that you need to do? What works for your family?

Personally, I really need my evening time. I crave my quiet time after the kids are in bed. It is such a special and peaceful time for me, so I need to keep that time sacred. I also am a person that really needs sleep. I need it like I need food and when I do not get it, everyone has a problem. So, how do I end the bedtime wars and get the sleep that I need?

• My first step is promoting mommy's "special time". I am talking it up all the time. I need to teach the people around me what I want.
  
• Next, I need to work the routine that I have with my kids. It is a chore, but the more I do it the better off everyone is - plus the reward of a quiet house and me reading in my own bed is huge!
  
• I also need to avoid evening meetings - something I will gladly pursue. However, I know they are somewhat inevitable in my busy life, so I need to plan them more strategically. They need to fall on nights when Son #2 is going to be tired and ready for bed.
  
• Next, is engaging some help from "others" in the house. This requires communication prior to being in the middle of the battle field. It also means assuring that my husband and I implement the same bedtime routine with the kids.

Lack of sleep can be a lot more problematic than just making you feel tired. It can also negatively impact your health. Studies have shown that people who don’t get enough quality sleep are more likely to be overweight and have a greater risk for heart disease.

We need our sleep, so make sure you are finding a way to make it happen in your home!

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The Role of a Lifetime

Over the past year, I spent a lot of time thinking about my crazy busy life. Essentially, I was in way over my head with committee assignments, work projects, church tasks and everything else. I was doing too much and as a result, was not happy and was not at my best. I had to step back and ask myself, "How do I get off this crazy treadmill?"

The answer was simple. I had to cut back on what I was doing...I had to STOP. This insight is not rocket science. In fact, it's a very basic and straight-forward solution. However, it is not an easy solution. Most people struggle with "just stopping," because we are not clear about, or we are not committed to our personal priorities and goals. Once we lose sight of these critical pieces, we take any role that looks good. Problem is, every role that looks good, is not good for you.

When I work with a client, I have them complete a Personalized Role-Call Assessment. This is an exercise that helps you identify and visualize all the roles in your life. It is a powerful tool that helps my clients understand exactly why they are tired, stressed and overwhelmed. Once you see a picture of all your "hats", you can understand what is really going on in your life.

Once my clients complete the Role-Call, we spend a lot of time assessing if their roles align with their personal values, desires and goals. I ask them key questions such as:

Which role takes the most out of you?
What role(s) asks for too much from you?
Which role gives back to you the most?

Questions like these help my clients better understand their roles, and they provide the knowledge they need to make changes, if they desire, and ultimately control their lives.

Do you need help managing all your roles and their demands? Try a complimentary coaching session and experience how Working Mom Solutions can work for you.

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